March 23, 2007

Parker's Guide To Eating Breakfast On Time

Originally posted 3/9/07

As many of you cool kitties know, humans have thumbs and we don't. This places us at a disadvantage at mealtime. On our last visit to the evil V.E.T. Mommy was told that we were a little *ahem,* overweight. And the evil V.E.T. said that the wet food would be better for our teeth, something about carbs, blah, blah, the evil V.E.T. told Mommy to switch us off of our Science Diet dry food and start feeding us canned food. WHAT?!? CANNED FOOD!?! I thought that was great! We hardly ever get canned wet food! Hurrah! Just one little problem. We can't "free feed" anymore. Which means when I want a snack, I have to *shudders* beg my Mommy or Daddy for food. I find this beneath me. I have had to practice my pathetic, pityful kitty look complete with huge sad eyes. I have also had to establish a pecking order with my brother and sisters so my bowl position is optimum. But the worst part is breakfast time. I have to wait for Mommy and Daddy to get out of bed. Their idea of when to wake up and my idea of when they should wake up are two different things. So, after carefully considering how to get fed when I want to, I have devised a foolproof system that will get Mommy or Daddy up. Here's how it works;
1. Walk around on the bed and disturb my dog brother, Diamond.
2. Flop down with a great deal of force next to Mommy or Daddy's arms.
3. Pat Mommy or Daddy's cheek very, very gentle-like.
4. Repeat step three as needed.
5. If this doesn't work, pull out the big guns - your nose!
6. Take your nose (make sure it's very cold and very wet), and place it right up Mommy or Daddy's nostril!
I can report to all you cool kitties that I have employed the nostril method numerous times, and it has never failed to get Mommy or Daddy out of bed. I get fed (although, I don't get a lot of loving pats and scritches), and all is right with the world.I hope this helps you kitties who have to wait for their breakfast!
Have a wonderful Friday, I'm off to inspect the back porch!

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